Feb. 22nd, 2016

sputnikhearts: girl walking in fog. from amelie maybe? (girl in fog)
The last ... two years? ... of my life have been transformative. I:

- Left academia/laboratory research
- Started my science writing career
- Hit roadbump in said career, found a new job, eyeing the next roadbump
- Moved across the country
- Sold, then bought, a house
- Had a baby

Somehow, being busy makes me want to do more, not less, even as my sleep and energy levels tank.

I always say this but I, once again, intend to blog more. At the very least I will have more to say because I will talk about a lot of things besides writing, because I used to compartmentalize, but no more. I used to maintain, separately, a blog for writing, a blog for fandom, a blog for fashion, and so on. I used to care about, I don't know why, the pretense/performance of focus.

Well, I have stopped caring about pretending anything, except for, you know, whatever veneer of civilization that just barely nudges us above the orangutan. XD I don't say this with raised middle fingers, but shrugged shoulders. Lots of things can be said for having a baby/child/entering into any other intense caregiving role, but among the best outcomes has been a hard slap upside the head to the effect of: pretending takes too much effort and you have no energy left to waste. There's nothing like sleeping 3 hours a day for 6 weeks to change you into your truest self (both the best and the worst, and both of those were scary to encounter), or whatever you want to call it. That's the cliché that I've picked, anyway.

(Sidenote that everyone else in my life, online and off, seems to have made this leap way earlier in their lives. I have never claimed to be emotionally mature. But I do claim to know myself and to be working on it.)

The massive roadbump to all this self-discovery is, of course, that I have very little free time to do anything with it, and I'm having a hard time--ironically--compartmentalizing when I do. Yes the baby may be napping but my brain prefers to spend that time anticipating the next wail, instead of focusing on the story/code/MMORPG at hand. Is that a brain muscle that can be exercised? I hope so.

If nothing else, I am slowly gaining that parent superpower of super-efficiency. Everyone who said they had no idea how much time they were wasting before parenthood was right.

In that vein, I'm making my work more bite-sized these days. Some things currently on my plate:

- A redesign of my Wordpress blog, which I will crosspost to, is coming up. I am An Old now because I long for the days of text-heavy design, and not in the vein of Medium clones.

- I've managed to actually write some fiction. I leave myself lots of notes and ideas so I can jump in without having to remember what I was doing. My cyborg brain is called Google Drive.

- Cake for breakfast. Because sometimes that is literally the only thing you can shove into your face in the car while barreling down the highway trying not to be late for work. I wiped down my face with tea from a thermos and the last paper napkin in my purse. #winning

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Kara Lee

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